Crunch Time

Testicular cancer? No problem

There are many tough, challenging times in life, but the critical component in all of them is choosing how we are going to respond. In the silly movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story there is an exchange in a bar between Peter La Fleur the star player and Lance Armstrong the seven time Tour de France winner.

Peter is near the end of his desire to hang in there. His team is losing and his performance on the Dodgeball court has been abysmal. He is nursing a beer confiding to Lance Armstrong (A dodgeball fan by the way) that he has just quit.

“Quit?” Lance replies. “You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer, all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals?”

Peter with his head bowed low answers that it feels a bit like shame.

“Well,” Lance added, “I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.”

Giving in to the extremely tough times will haunt you forever. Getting up from them, gritting your teeth, and becoming stronger will bring a fullness of life and depth of accomplishments you couldn’t get any other way.

Why depression will persist

I've often wondered what evolutionary purpose depression serves. Its been around as long as the human race has walked this earth. Because it has persisted so long and has not been phased out, it must be beneficial to our survival right?. But why?

When I'm in its throes, I don't considered my depression as beneficial to my life. Even its effects on my life have been challenging: It has stalled my life vocationally, strained relationships, and done a real number on my self-esteem. Yet reluctantly I believe it must persist. It must not be eradicated fully.  Here are my reasons:

1. In order to experience the full spectrum of human emotion, depression must be part of the mix. You cannot define happiness unless you can reference it to sadness. The reverse is also true.
2. It slows us down and causes us to ponder the deeper issues of humanity. Most of the great poetry and artisitic confrontation with the world has been birthed in the depressed heart of the artist.  It gives the existential questions of life an honest hearing.
3. Enjoyment of life is fully seized. Because of my depression, I am much more intentional about making my life truly significant. Time with my kids and wife and others is rarely squandered in my better moments.  I gotta seize the day.
4. Depression makes us empathetic to the pain of others. People who have experienced deep depression can resonate deeply with another's pain, no matter how intense. It provides comfort and consolation.
5. It inspires us to make the needed changes to make our world a better place. There is much about our society and world that is less than inspiring (you know intuitively what they are). In fact they can be downright depressing. Confronting the tough issues and helping to transform our world so they no longer drag down the heart is essential for a better world and a movement toward a meaningful future.

As much as I dread the moment of agony I know will come again, I persist in the belief that its gotta be good for my soul - and so I carry on...

Boosting mood in a tough economy

Many people in our country are currently in survival mode. Even those who had high paying jobs find themselves either unemployed or underemployed.  Finances are tight. The general mood among the populace is pretty low.

Boosting mood in this tough economy seems like a daunting task. Washington is doing what it can, putting various spins on the reality and highlighting any gains we are experiencing. It looks like we are working our way out of the financial woods - but it will take awhile before we are out completely.

I am reading a very interesting book entitled, "Deep Survival: Who lives, Who dies, And why". In it the author, Laurence Gonzales, tries to determine the reason that some people are more hearty than others in surviving disasters. He discovered that one of the deeper emotions survivors mine is humor.  It a release of tension and fears that dangerous situations produce.

The author discovered that laughter makes the feeling of being threatened manageable. It's about being cool. It's about laughing with an attitude of bold humility in the face of something terrifying. The best humorists and comedians make us laugh at life because it is a deep way we can make sense and poke fun of the burdens of life.  Survival humor is not the surface "ha ha's", but a deeper understanding of how the brain works in discovering and facing the reality of the situation.

In this tough economy, when was the last time you laughed?

The mind's two elevators

It always strikes me that we have yet to understand the complexities of our mind. We have been able to map out the physical components of the brain but we are uncertain as to where the various functions of mind reside. The brain and its corresponding contribution to our consciousness is a complex, magnificent, and wonderful dynamic.

One thing I have learned about the workings of the mind is its polarity. It oscillates between high mood and low moods. Think of it as having two elevators. One elevator takes you up and the other elevator takes you down. Like any elevator, we choose which direction we want to go and push the corresponding button.

The up elevator takes us to a top floor penthouse where a party is in full swing. The excitement there is wonderful (think of the birth of a child or the acceptance from a college). Conversely, the down elevator takes us to the bowels of the basement where our experience there is usually dark and dank (think of the loss of a dear one or the loss of a job). 

Taking both elevators for a ride brings us to the full spectrum of what it means to be human. Yet we know life is more than just the highs and lows. In fact, it seem to reside in the mundane, the first floor of existence.

On that floor are various rooms and hallways that we enter and walk every single day. The hallway of work leads us back and forth from our home to our place of employment. We walk it every single day for years. One room might be a marriage or other relationship that is lived in close quarters and can often erupt into challenges and frustrations. And so it goes.  It is our experiences in the room that leads us to wait for each elevator.

At that time we have a choice. We can choose to ride the elevator down to the basement or the elevator up to the penthouse. Often the situation dictates which one we will choose, but at other times we can intentionally choose to respond (push the button) to one or the other. Both bring us to different places and experiences. The problem comes when we allow our brain to leave the essential first floor of our lives and constantly live on the lower or higher floors.

Ride the elevators as you choose, learn the lessons that there at their destinations, but don't allow your choices to chronically ride the elevators.  That only leads to a diminishment of life on the first floor.  That is where the real life is lived, smack dab in the middle of joy...

The loss of reverie

I'm pooped. I mean it. Our contemporary culture and its accompanying stresses has left me exhausted. Not in the physical sense, mind you, but in the mental.  The speed at which everything runs today is zapping my cognitive resistance.  What is eroding in me is attention.  I can't focus.

Despite our wondrous technologies and scientific advances, we are nurturing a culture of diffusion, fragmentation, and detachment.  The thesis of a very important book by Maggie Jackson entitled Distracted posits that the way we live is eroding our capacity for deep, sustained, perceptive attention - the building block of intimacy, wisdom and cultural progress. She writes that

"Increasingly we are shaped by distraction...the seduction of alternative virtual universes, the addictive allure of multitasking people and things, our near religious allegiance to a constant state of motion: these are markers of a land of distraction...This is why we are less and less able to see, hear and comprehend what's relevant and permanent, why so many of us feel that we can barely keep our heads above water, and our days are marked by perpetual loose ends."

It suddenly dawned on me that I no longer waste time. My days have been subdivided into smaller and smaller units of efficient time. I have lost reverie. Reverie is a state of being lost in one's thoughts; to daydream.  When is the last time you daydreamed?  When was the last time you deeply pondered a sunset, or sprawled on the grass with your arms behind your head letting your thoughts wander with the movement of the clouds? 

If, like me, it's been a while, then you are overly distracted.  We are in essence not nurturing our inner selves when we lose reverie. I encourage you to go ahead and waste some time every day.  Don't let the efficiency bug infect you. Give yourself permission to go against the speed, expectations, and distractions of your life. Don't respond to the annoying "ping" of arriving email - stay focused on the task at hand. Shut off the television and read a book for two hours straight (think you can?). Don't check Facebook or Twitter for a whole week.  Have a three hour dinner with good friends. Let go of the guilt for wasting time.

You'll be a more interesting and deeply peaceful person as a result.

The Need for Stillness

I believe one of the major needs of our day is contemplation. The ability to be still in the world, seeking solace in the midst of an overly noisy world.  The latin word for "leisure" is "schola".  It is the root word for "school" and "scholarship".  It is leisure not in the sense of loafing around on a hammock with an umbrella drink. It is leisure in the sense of having unencumbered time to explore a topic deeply.  When I ask teachers if they feel their classroom is a place of leisure, an environment of schola, they immediately state in no uncertain terms; ABSOLUTELY NOT! 

We must take time to be still.

The following video by Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist and director of the M.I.T. initiative on Technology and Self, argues that quiet time is key to adolescent development.

Nouns and verbs for a New Year

The New York Times ran an op-ed piece visualizing the significant cultural dynamics of the last decade (00's):

 

Notice the bottom two categories: nouns and verbs.  Words matter and can succinctly sum up cultural moments and collective consciousness.  Looking ahead to the next decade, here are some of my own nouns and verbs (along with definitions) that I believe will be key signifiers in the years to come:

NOUNS:

Joy: The smoldering internal ember that refuses to be extinguished despite repeated external attempts to douse it.  Happiness is embedded in our constitution and is a protected right.  Yet happiness is fleeting in our attempts to capture it.  Joy, on the other hand, captures us.

Scola: This is the Latin word for "leisure" and the root of our English words for "school" and "scholarship". It is not used in the sense of nursing an umbrella drink while lounging in a hammock.  It means to have unencumbered time to explore a topic or idea deeply and thoroughly.  Ask any teacher today and they will tell you their classroom is the farthest thing from leisure you can possibly find.

Frugal: To enjoy the fruits of one's labor in such a way that their value is intensified and their good effects multiplied to everyone. It has little to do with consumption and everything to do with contentment. It is a nasty and debilitating word to our consumer culture.  You watch - it will be attacked and squelched at every turn.

Bipolar: I am hearing this description used more and more in reference to our cultural situation. Listen for it as we attempt to describe the extreme oscillation of change we will continue to experience in the next ten years.

Hypers: This is the moniker I have bestowed on the youngest generation alive today (born after 2000). Though not everyone will agree, I think it aptly describes the metabolism of our contemporary culture and the subsequent challenges that commitment and contemplation will pose for them.

VERBS

Contract: In my training on generations, I use a "c" word to describe the formative themes of each age group. I am using this verb to describe the formative theme for the Hypers (see noun above). The last ten years has seen a steady contraction of perceived freedoms and assumptions that we in the West once enjoyed.  The youngest generation is going to be defined by the restrictions placed upon them by emerging global realities.

Beautify: This is the process whereby aesthetic improvements are undertaken to refurbish decaying infrastructures.  Not only is the infrastructure of many of our urban centers in need of beautification, but the infrastructure of our souls as well.  I predict that artisans will become more relevant and sought after as producers of meaning and beauty.

Pornify: This is the saturation of our culture with the graphic images and demeaning values of an oversexed population. It might even be the reality of an undersexed populace devoid of the intimacy that gives sex its depth and worth.  You watch how this dynamic increases the personal loneliness as we relate more and more on a digital level. This might inspire an earnest search for beauty.

Obviously these nouns and verbs are by no means exhaustive or definitive, but they are on my mind as I look ahead at the changes that await us.

Feminine napkins and me

My wife and I have three children.  My son is fourteen and my two daughters are twelve and ten.  Though change is constant and swift for them (and us) in the fertile ground of adolescence, there is one change that is hitting me hard in the stomach - and it involves the feminine napkin.

I know what they are and what they're used for.  Heck, I sometimes find them in my gym bag enmeshed with my workout clothes from the wash.  Generally, I don't give them much thought.  Until now. 

When my wife sprung the box of feminine napkins on me one evening, she was preparing me for the inevitable and imminent use of those "things" by my little girl.  My little girl having a period! It was more like an exclamation point. I somehow never imagined her ever needing and using them.  What was I thinking?

I'll tell you. She's my little girl; my snuggler at night, and reading companion by day.  She's the little girl that sits on my lap and kisses me on the cheek.  She's the little girl whose little bottom I wiped clean and dressed with a diaper.  She's the little girl that scibbled love notes with crayons to me on a regular basis. She's the little girl that stole my heart.

Those feminine napkins seemed like thieves.  I saw them as conniving to steal my little girl from me. They were repulsive to my sensibilities.

I was in avoidance mood.  But as is the case, I had to be a big boy and embrace those napkins for what they symbolize - vibrant life and progression into a future that cannot be halted. Her life is vibrant. Always has been, always will be.  Our life together is vibrant. Always has been, always will be.  Feminine napkins will be around.  Always have been, always will be.

Artists of being alive

I recently received a card from a wonderful colleague and friend of mine.  It was created by J. Stone cards.  I find myself reading and re-reading the words that were inscribed within it. May their tribe increase!!

the most visible creators i know of are those artists who express the inexpressible -- with out brush, hammer, clay or guitar. they neither paint nor sculpt -- their medium is being. whatever their presence touches has increased life. they see and don't have to draw. they are the artists of being alive...

Damn that Dumbledore

Today I saw the sixth installment of the Harry Potter movies.  I'll admit I got choked up when Dumbledore, the wizened old wizard of Hogwarts, was betrayed and killed at the end of the movie.  I shouldn't have, because after reading the book I knew what to expect.  But there came the tears. 

I lost it when I read the same tragic event in the book two years earlier with my children.  I had to stop and gather my composure and try to explain to my kids why I was such a blubbering mess. I had a difficult time trying to sort it out.

What is it about the death of Dumbledore that made me so damn full of grief.  Here is what I think.  I am grieving the loss of heroes in our culture.  I mean real heroes.  You know, men and women who are wise and have a rich, deep history with an ability to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the greater good. Heroes who are in this thing called life not for the massive amounts exposure they can garner but for the deep service they can render the human race.

There are no heroes today, really.  They are all celebrities now.  We live in a celebrity culture - a fact borne out in magazine sales alone.  There are exceptions, of course: towering figures such as Nelson Mandela and the late Mother Teresa. But these are not celebrities as such, but the globalized world's saints, its few remaining heroes.  They are to be admired and wondered at, not aped, while everyone else craves their 15 minutes of fame.

Our adulation of celebrities highlight how crucial the surface level of life has become.  If nothing means anything beyond its surface impression, it is little wonder we look for the gloss of celebrity rather than any depth of character, like that found in heroes (even fictional) like Dumbledore.  We live off the buzz that celebrity culture supplies without being involved with any form of moral commitment.  Celebrity is about appearance and spin: it cannot form character.

The problem with much celebrity is that it rarely lasts.  More tragic still, the most enduring celebrity is the dead celebrity. Think of Marilyn Monroe, John Kennedy, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain and Princess Diana, and now Michael Jackson.

Thankfully, many people recognize the superficiality of celebrity culture and seek some sort of alternative. Graham Cray, the current Bishop of Maidstone in England, states that an heroic response to the cult of celebrity must hold together several things:

• First, we have to acknowledge that there is a certain inevitability about it. It is a direct consequence of deep changes in our culture, and we will achieve nothing if we simply rage against it.
• Second, there is a fairly widespread awareness of its superficiality, which means that celebrity is usually consumed with a measure of irony.
• Third, it will be much more important to grow some heroes than to rail against the B-list stars put up for our consumption.

This may sound over the top and bit "wacky", but damn that Dumbledore, he exposed my deficiency in a depth of meaning and my yearning for heroes who can help me make life truly worth living.