Crunch Time

Uncharted waters

I can remember the birth of my first child. So many thoughts and feelings accompany that moment- will I be a good father?, what kind of world will he inherit?, am I going to be able to fund his hopes and dreams? can I change a diaper? will I gag on the stench?

That moment was freighted with many unknowns. My wife and I were about to set sail on the uncharted waters of parenthood. Could we do it? How were we going to navigate it? There was no shortage of advice and self-help books promising a compass to point us in the right direction. Yet parenting is messy business, it doesn't always follow accepted norms and patterns. Your final destination is hard to arrive at, let alone know where it is. We had to learn to navigate as we went along, conducting soundings along the way to chart our progress. 

In navigating the unknown waters of change today, there are helpful resources for the journey, but their applications in real life can be tenuous. So, you take soundings and periodically assess how you are doing. In essence, you make it up as you go- throwing out resources that don't work and improvising new ones that do. This requires resilience, the ability to adjust your course accordingly, and continue navigating successfully on the disorientation of uncharted waters. Those who are unable to adjust end up shipwrecked on an island of confusion and despair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zero Tolerance

It seems there is zero tolerance for anything these days. No room for error. I'm reminded of the Soup Nazi episode on Seinfeld where the owner would tolerate absolutely no deviation from what he thought was acceptable. Hilarious.

I'm from Denver, Colorado. Though I'm not a huge Broncos fan, I do follow them and their exploits. Their second year coach, Josh McDaniels was fired after a mediocre season and losses that were unacceptable to the owners and the fans. I felt sorry for him in a way. I think you should give a guy a fair shake beyond just two years. Heck, it takes a good year just to ramp up to the expectations and demands of any new job.

Zero tolerance.  Beyond the pressure put on sports figures, I wonder how many of us use a zero tolerance policy toward ourselves. Do we give ourselves a fair shake, or do we berate ourselves for not living up to our expectations?  No soup for us. We won't put up with imperfections or mediocre results in whatever expectations we have for ourselves.

There is a healthy place for striving to be who we were meant to be and living a life of integrity. Those things need monitoring and the participation of others. But when expectations become unwieldly or irrational it's time to fire the soup nazi and hire a more equitable boss.

Four dynamics for leaving a legacy

I recently had a meeting with a wonderful man who helps family owned businesses with succession planning, relational quandaries, and the leaving of a legacy.  His company the 100 fold project  helps leaders enliven the following dynamics to do just that. I found them not only fascinating but incredibly pertinent to our own movement through change and our desire to make a real difference in our lives:

The Capacity to Lead

Become an authentic and visionary leader

Lead your life with grace and truth

The Courage to Act

Create and manage effective paths of change

Resolve relational conflict

The Compassion to Love

Achieve results through high emotional intelligence

Develop productive and cohesive teams

The Character to Inspire

Demonstrate a spiritual dynamic in life

Create a life of integrity and performance

What's been on my mind

It's been a while since I wrote a post (three weeks). I've been working on a book that should be officially released in a month. That being said here's what's been on my mind lately.

The Incredibles: I just watched this movie last night and I never tire of seeing it. Now that I am in the throws of middle age (I never thought it would happen to me), I'm reminded of how fast time flies. I am also aware of the relentless changes that come with life. My body just doesn't do what it used to (heck, I take a walk around the park and my buttocks are sore for a couple days!). What strikes me everytime I see the movie is its honesty about being who you really are.

Through a series of lawsuits, the "supers" are relegated to living ordinary lives among ordinary people. Mr. Incredible thus begins to live a life of desperation. He becomes flabby. Deflated morale always occur when your gifts and talents are not being used for the better good. Today there are so many people who are underemployed, losing their home, or just scraping by. No wonder morale is so low today in our country. Too many people are not living (by no fault of their own) up to their potential. We, I, need what you have to offer the world. Part of knowing a gift is how energized you are when expressing it. You'll know you're being underused when you are drained most of the time. So, what energizes you and drains you?

The leader's mystique

Our time of extraordinary change involves extremely diminished morale and anger among citizens (with or without jobs); a grim budget year for states; an economic scare in European financial markets; an ecological disaster in the gulf coast of Louisiana; and the prospect of a lesser standard of living than in the past.  The list no doubt can go on and on.

What is needed for this time, this moment, is a unique kind of leader, a leader tasked with taking advantage of the crisis to cross over to a new model and way of doing and being. The following four deeply engrained abilities (inspired from one of my mentors, Jim Miller, whose "HopeLens" blog can be linked to on the side bar) embody a leader's mystique, an allure to spark the impulse to migrate together through our moment of extraordinary change.

Mud on our hands 

The participation of hard work alongside those we lead not only commands great respect, but seeds an inspiration for others to see their work as making a difference.  Leaders in crisis and change aren't afraid to dive in and dig in at every level of their organization, to do well what others deem not worthy of doing.

Love in our hearts

A leader understands the power of love as a critical undercurrent in the hearts of people. Love embodies itself in patience and kindness, humility and forgiveness, hope and a dogged pursuit of the truth. Nurturing these qualities daily soon leads to them being second nature in our relationships.

Stars in our eyes

Imagine what it would mean to your people if you inspired a vision that transcends the temporal difficulties they may face. This involves putting the gleam back in the eyes of people whose luster in life has slowly been extinguished. Be relentless in putting hope and enthusiasm before everyone you meet.

Curiosity in our minds

The ability to re-imagine and the permission to explore completely new ways of doing things (involving the encouragement of failure) is critical to contributing to a leader's mystique. Seek out wilder ideas from everyone at every level. You'll be honored as a leader that realizes life is not settled, but is in perpetual motion. Ideas are the catalyst moving forward.

The loss of reverie

I'm pooped. I mean it. Our contemporary culture and its accompanying stresses has left me exhausted. Not in the physical sense, mind you, but in the mental.  The speed at which everything runs today is zapping my cognitive resistance.  What is eroding in me is attention.  I can't focus.

Despite our wondrous technologies and scientific advances, we are nurturing a culture of diffusion, fragmentation, and detachment.  The thesis of a very important book by Maggie Jackson entitled Distracted posits that the way we live is eroding our capacity for deep, sustained, perceptive attention - the building block of intimacy, wisdom and cultural progress. She writes that

"Increasingly we are shaped by distraction...the seduction of alternative virtual universes, the addictive allure of multitasking people and things, our near religious allegiance to a constant state of motion: these are markers of a land of distraction...This is why we are less and less able to see, hear and comprehend what's relevant and permanent, why so many of us feel that we can barely keep our heads above water, and our days are marked by perpetual loose ends."

It suddenly dawned on me that I no longer waste time. My days have been subdivided into smaller and smaller units of efficient time. I have lost reverie. Reverie is a state of being lost in one's thoughts; to daydream.  When is the last time you daydreamed?  When was the last time you deeply pondered a sunset, or sprawled on the grass with your arms behind your head letting your thoughts wander with the movement of the clouds? 

If, like me, it's been a while, then you are overly distracted.  We are in essence not nurturing our inner selves when we lose reverie. I encourage you to go ahead and waste some time every day.  Don't let the efficiency bug infect you. Give yourself permission to go against the speed, expectations, and distractions of your life. Don't respond to the annoying "ping" of arriving email - stay focused on the task at hand. Shut off the television and read a book for two hours straight (think you can?). Don't check Facebook or Twitter for a whole week.  Have a three hour dinner with good friends. Let go of the guilt for wasting time.

You'll be a more interesting and deeply peaceful person as a result.

It's On

Southwest Airlines launched a new Ad Campaign on June 1st aimed at tough times. At the end of the ad a narrator intones that the airline doesn't fly around tough times. It's on, and they're ready.

It's on for all us... 

It's on every time our minds persist in discouraging thoughts.

It's on every time we think we can go it alone without the comaraderie of those who care.

It's on every time we stubbornly refuse to admit our fear and hide behind a facade of platitudes.

It's on every time we avoid nourishing our souls with silent listening, contemplation, and transcedent faith.

It's on every time our decisions preclude others who are in greater need.

It's on every time we become too enamored with our technology to solve our problems.

It's on every time we rely on massive military might to secure our happiness.

It's on every time we stop taking initiative for the health of our relationships.

It's on every time we live without grace.

This is the time of our lives. It's tough. It's on. Are you ready?

The constants of change

My main focus over the last twenty years has been helping people effectively migrate through the quandaries of contemporary change.  Without a doubt, the recent perplexities we are encountering are unprecedented in their scope and the challenges for us is extraordinary indeed.

I've discovered too the irony that change is consistent in its effects.  The larger the scope of the change the greater these constants seem to become:

1) It is frightening: Change makes the world seem less predictable.

-Franklin D. Roosevelt's first inaugural address took on an unusually solemn, religious quality, and for good reason. By 1933 the depression had reached its depth and the nation was struggling. Roosevelt’s first inaugural address outlined in broad terms how he hoped to govern and reminded Americans that the nation’s “common difficulties” concerned “only material things.”  It is in this address he uttered the now infamous words, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself". 

We must learn to harness fear's energy and make it our heart's ally and not its enemy. 

2) It is threatening: Change implies that what exists now is inadequate

-We can get so confident in the way we've done things in the past, that it is can be a surprising and agonizing moment to discover that it no longer works for our current condition.  When we are threatened by change we usually choose one of three stances in reponse: Retreat, Retrench, or Relaunch.  For me relaunching is the most adventuresome and leads to richer discoveries and deeper redemption.

3) It is embarrassing: Change requires admitting and understanding our past errors.

-Being vulnerable is one of the most powerful attributes we can harness.  I believe it requires two elements: Humor and Honesty.  Laughing at ourselves is one the most mature defense mechanisms human beings have at their disposal.  In spiritual terms, it is the closest we can come to confession. Being vulnerable forces us to get to the heart of the matter in deliberately open ways. It means not pointing fingers at people or the past.  It means taking responsibility. Honestly interrogating our hearts during change is the first step in moving through change unencumbered by anxiety, insecurity and blame.

Listen to your life

During these chaotic times of change and uncertainty in our lives, I'm reminded again of some wonderful words:

"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

-from Frederick Buechner's Now and Then

Rules for new tools

The problems we face as humans are as common and enduring as our race itself.  Take the problem of communication.  Though we have developed various tools over the millenia (cave drawings, smoke signals, pony express, telegraph, etc.) to aid us in our quest to communicate one with another, ultimately the problem persists. 

That is to say, though the problems remain the same, it's the TOOLs that have changed.  Today we live in a world of overwhelming technological tools. I'm intrigued by the criteria Wendall Berry has put forth for aquiring new tools (including technological). This is taken from his article, Why I Am Not Going To Buy A Computer, which is a great article in itself, and caused quite a stir when he published it.

Hope it provokes your thinking as you migrate across the quandaries of contemporary life.

1. The new tool should be cheaper than the one it replaces.
2. It should be at least as small in scale as the one it replaces.
3. It should do work that is clearly and demonstrably better than the one it replaces.
4. It should use less energy than the one it replaces.
5. If possible, it should use some form of solar energy, such as that of the body.
6. It should be repairable by a person of ordinary intelligence, provided that he or she has the necessary tools.
7. It should be purchasable and repairable as near to home as possible.
8. It should come from a small, privately owned shop or store that will take it back for maintenance and repair.
9. It should not replace or disrupt anything good that already exists, and this includes family and community relationships.